Summer 2018
Summer 2018 was the worst. I started experiencing extreme dizziness while walking, sitting, standing, and/or lying down. I had (and still have) a perpetual feeling of a lump or mucus build-up in the base of my throat near my thyroid, which flares up anytime I eat. I often felt like I had a hand gripped around my neck and that the hand would never let go. I went to bed in fear that my throat would close up in the middle of the night, and I wouldn't wake up the next morning. I continued to struggle with digestive issues, often having a stomach ache after eating anything. I found out that all doctors covered under my insurance were located 30-45min away, and I had to make the trip at least once or twice per week. I had a blood test to test my thyroid levels, an ear, nose, and throat exam, an MRI of my head, an MRI of my throat, a hearing and balance test, and physical therapy sessions, and I have an endoscopy scheduled for next month. Meanwhile, I was stung by a wasp on my hand, and for 48 hours, my hand doubled in size and was as red as a tomato. I went on ten different prescription medications (several at the same time) and ended up feeling worse than ever before. I lost lots of money that I had saved up due to doctor visit co-pays and prescription costs. I cried myself to sleep more consecutive nights than I ever have in my entire lifetime. I felt myself distancing myself from friends and social opportunities out of fear that I would fall or pass out because of my dizziness. And on top of all of this, my grandpa passed away, and he was my last living grandfather since my other grandpa passed away from brain cancer when I was only ten years old. I pushed away from my daily prayer life and felt my heart hardening in anger at God, asking "why me?! why this?! why now?!"
But, Summer 2018 was also the best. I witnessed the beautiful, sacramental binding of six friends in three different weddings and was blessed and honored to be a bridesmaid in one of them. My family visited me in Chicago for ten days, and I reconnected with extended family and good family friends who flew in for Grandpa's funeral. I went on my first lunch boat cruise with my coworkers and enjoyed a breathtaking skyline view of the city. I upgraded and moved to a GORGEOUS new apartment on the 42nd floor with huge windows facing both the West and South, so I get to see the sunset every night and walk to and from work. I met and began working alongside a new boss, who has many new ideas for Newman and whose love of Jesus and the Church is so contagious and encouraging. I got an office upgrade and now have an awesome view of Sears ("Willis") Tower. I witnessed the beautiful renovations at the Newman Center, such as new floors, new paint on the walls, and new furniture. I hung out with the Archdiocese of Chicago seminarians during their day of service at Newman and now have about 40 new brothers and prayer warriors. I attended the Diocese of Joliet's priest ordination and saw several friends make the transition, by the grace of God, from seminarians to priests. I was blessed with company for about a month when one of my best friends in the city had to crash on my couch, and I loved being able to cook and pray the rosary together with her every night. I had the honor and privilege to speak at two Theology On Tap events in the Diocese of Joliet and had a blast getting to know the awesome Young Adults who attended both of those events. I saw several Broadway musicals and even got to go backstage at the CIBC Theater, where Hamilton is currently running, and take a photo "on the stage where it happens!!!" I enjoyed several delicious meals while catching up with several close friends and even tried a few new restaurants in the city. I enjoyed several baseball games and attended many outdoor concerts with friends and family. I spent several hours on the phone and on Skype, catching up with old friends, and I finally reconnected with our student leaders from Newman and share in their excitement for the upcoming school year!
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How often do we dwell on the negative rather than seeing goodness among darkness? I know this is something I personally struggle with, especially recently. I can immediately share with you everything that went wrong before sharing the fruit of an experience or event. I can point out my imperfections before sharing my gifts. I can name what could be better before sharing what went well. But how can we build the kingdom if we stay in this mindset? No one likes to hang out with negative individuals who are always complaining, and I have personally discovered this. We should instead strive to see the positive in every situation and work towards building each other up, rather than bring each other down. God is at work in each of our lives, and even if it may not seem so, I promise you there is beauty within darkness and positivity amidst negativity. All we can do is pray and ask God to reveal this goodness to us and give us strength as we work through whatever it is we are going through. God is SO good, and He is always walking with us, even if we don't recognize or acknowledge His presence! So after this summer of major ups and downs, I'm choosing to lead with positivity. I'm choosing to focus on the good. I'm choosing to build people up, including myself. Who's with me? #blessed
