Grief and Growth
Grief and Growth.
When thinking back on 2020, these are the two words that come to mind.
This year was filled with lots of grief. I grieved the loss of time spent in-person with friends and family. I grieved the loss of the ability to work as usual, with large in-person gatherings over food and fellowship and without having to worry about masks, sanitation, contact tracing, and social distancing. I grieved for my students, who struggled with virtual learning, and for the seniors who wouldn’t be able to experience “normal” graduation festivities. I grieved the physical loss of many loved ones, both friends and family, and the inability to properly grieve their loss by not being able to attend their funerals. I grieved the inability to attend live Broadway musicals, which had once brought me so much joy, and even more so, grieved for my friends in the performing arts industry who had lost their jobs. I missed trying different restaurants in the city with friends and grieved when I heard how many restaurants have had to permanently shut their doors. I struggled with my physical health, having to visit an emergency room for scary, unknown symptoms and never receiving a definitive answer for what was causing them. I struggled with my mental health, often feeling alone and sad because of not being able to see friends in-person. I grieved the fact that so many plans were getting cancelled. I grieved for our world, especially the heartbreaking racial injustice and religious persecution that is still very much saturated in our society. I grieved for all those who lost their jobs or who were faced head-on with the pandemic, either by contracting the virus themselves or having those close to them catch it. I grieved for all of the healthcare professionals, teachers, students, parents, essential workers, and many others, who have all been stretched so thin this year.
And yet, this year has also been filled with a lot of growth: physically, mentally, professionally, and spiritually. I was able to be in the “room where it happened” (and in the 10th row!!!) for the final performance of Hamilton in Chicago before the global shutdown. I was blessed with the opportunity to be the keynote speaker for several different events throughout the Chicagoland area. I got to share in the joy of several friends getting engaged, married, having babies, graduating from college, and/or getting ordained as priests. I became a professional at using Zoom and running virtual meetings and events. I grew in my intimate relationship with Jesus through a TV show, The Chosen, which has now become one of my favorite shows and a go-to conversation topic. I took a virtual Zumba class with my old Zumba instructor and friend from college. I reconnected with old friends via phone calls, texts, and Zoom dates. I participated in car parades and virtual surprise birthday parties. I played virtual games with friends, both new and old. I became a certified professional spiritual director and received a certification in social media marketing. I was able to perfect my hobby of video making/editing by creating new professional videos for work. I started re-reading Harry Potter (something that I’ve been wanting to do for years), and I listened to Taylor Swift’s new albums on repeat more times than I can count. I focused on my physical health, trying new recipes and food items and also helping eliminate food waste through Imperfect Foods. I exercised through yoga and a new virtual workout program. I also exercised my right to vote (thank you, 19th Amendment!!). And finally, I was able to safely travel home to spend time with my family for my birthday and the holidays.
While this has been an absolutely tough year, for myself and for so many others, it has still been a good year. God has still been present, as He always is. And yet, while I have often felt as though He has been absent, He has never been closer, as He can always bring good from suffering. 2020 has taught me not to take life for granted and to seize opportunities for joy and community. It has also taught me the importance of self-care and to “go gently” through life, a phrase which I first learned during my time in the Echo graduate program. I’m excited to see what God has in store for this upcoming year and for the growth that is still yet to come! :)
